It’s true.  I had absolutely no intention of writing this article but then I had to deal with another difficult person and felt compelled to write about it- the “IT” being “difficult people.”  So let me start by asking: why are so many people so difficult?  Why does everyone have a need to have their own way?  Why can’t they simply say yes and conform to my agenda?  Seriously, WHY?

In the last few weeks I have had a number of situations where I observed that someone was being particularly difficult.  For example, we had planned a dinner with several of our friends- four couples in total and we were trying to pick a restaurant.  I made several suggestions and at each suggestion at least one person complained.  Finally, I grew frustrated and on the fourth dissension (the second from the same person) I said, “OK.  I give up.  You figure out where we should go and I will be glad to go along with the group’s decision.”  But Nooooooo!  This was an unacceptable response… we needed to reach consensus.  My abstaining was simply not to be tolerated.  The bickering went on for several more minutes and then we decided to let the women speak among themselves knowing that they often tend to be less contentious or perhaps we were simply improving the odds for agreement by reducing the number of decision makers.

And in another example, I was consulting with a client and meeting with his five-person executive team in the Boardroom.  Over a two hour period we discussed several serious issues impacting the business and for which we needed to come up with some options/ solutions.  One of the Senior VP’s, who was extremely forceful (if not down-right intimidating) to the other team members, found fault with every idea that the team came up with.  I tried to be patient with this man knowing that if confronted head on he would only get worse. Finally, we take a bio- break and I asked to speak with him alone.  I told him that he was clearly one of the smartest, brightest and fastest thinkers I had ever met in a Boardroom.  I also told him he was over- powering the others and that this would ultimately build resentment and make it more difficult for him to do his job in the future.  I suggested that he take a new approach and agree that for the rest of the meeting he would speak when he could build upon something someone else had said.  I could see that this was a struggle for him but when the meeting ended he came up to me and actually thanked me.  He had always felt outnumbered by the others, as if they were an opposing team, now he saw that maybe he had been wrong… maybe they were on the same side.

Surely you all know people who are difficult.  There is certainly someone in your life, whether a friend, family member of business associate- who simply needs to disagree with you or everyone else and can never just say yes.  They will often argue about the most silly and minute points.  In the end, it is all about them getting their way and imposing their agendas upon you or others.  They find it difficult to see your point of view and believe that compromise is losing.

I am sure you agree!